I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
