All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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