Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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