Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
