just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
