He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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