Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
