yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
