don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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