It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
