Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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