Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
