I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
