Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
