Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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