And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
