i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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