naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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