Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
