You don't have asthma, your pregnant
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
