I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
where am i from again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
