The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When did angry sex become our thing?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
