its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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