yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
