I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Randomize
