i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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