someone owes me an orgasm
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
