Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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