This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she peed on how many people?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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