How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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