He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
