did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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