Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
