Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
