At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
