In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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