Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
