he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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