I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
