Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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