I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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