I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
