Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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