Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
