I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
