probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize