I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
