I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
