Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
