oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
