just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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