Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
