you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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