took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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