My friends, they love my intelligence
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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