It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
