my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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