when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
