i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
