You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
