Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
