I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
