I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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