She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
