dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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