she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the day after is always just damage control
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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