I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
